The dark past
Larissa’s POVPlease check at N/ôvel(D)rama.Org.
The heat in my cheeks had travelled all the way down to my core. It didn’t dissipate the burning in my cheeks that had now turned a brilliant strawberry red. Even my legs wobbled as I walked.
I had my hands to my cheeks as soon as I’d dropped the tray in the kitchen. Even the burn on my hand didn’t bother me much. What bothered me was what the alpha had done.
He apologized. He fucking apologized. He’d never done that to me before. All he ever did was threaten my life and bark out orders. But today he apologized. And he kissed me yet again. What was wrong with me?
I remembered how his lips deliciously ran across mine and across my skin. The tingles were still there on every part of my arm that he’d kissed. I was mad at him for leaving me hanging once again, but I figured that it was just enough. Perhaps he did find me attractive, I hoped. Until he stopped being a bigoted jerk.
I patted down at my face in a futile bid to reduce the heat in my face. But the more I did, the more I remembered the kiss and the redder they got. There was a sudden soft tap on my shoulder, causing me to flinch and spin around sharply. But it was just Gwen, staring at me with confusion etched on her face.
“Larissa, are you okay? You look like you were slapped with a pot of tomato!” She half yelled with a dramatic gasp, causing me to stifle a laugh before I could catch myself.
I glanced around the kitchen in hopes that she would let me go, but it was just wishful thinking. Her eyes narrowed and she brought both hands to her hips, jutting one of her hips to the side.
“Nothing.” I croaked out in an unusually high pitch, earning a more intense stare from her.
“What happened to you? You can’t tell me nothing when you sound like a teenager that was caught kissing her mate.”
“What? N-no. No.” I defended, patting at my cheeks harshly. I glanced back at her, and she clearly wasn’t buying it. “I’m not feeling well.”
She tilted her head in confusion first, then nodded as if in understanding. “Oh. You should have said that earlier. You look like you’re burning up.”
“I am.” I agreed with a forced chuckle, awkwardly bringing one hand to my neck. “And on that note, could you help me take care of Declan today? I don’t want to pass him my…sickness.”
“Oh, that’s okay, Larissa. You should have some rest.” She spoke sweetly, reaching out to squeeze my shoulders. I smiled at the gesture, nodding before practically dashing out of the kitchen and up the stairs.
I plunged myself onto the bed as soon as I shut the door after me, and then I finally did what I’d wanted to do after leaving the study. Scream into my pillow in hopes that no one would hear it.
Denying that I had feelings for the alpha now was utter deception. I didn’t know much about him, but I liked the bit I knew. Even if he kept treating me like shit, something had changed.
I couldn’t help but think that there was a monster drowning him into nothingness. I saw it in his eyes every time he looked at me, every time he didn’t yell at me, every time his eyes turned orange. I didn’t know what it was, and I was curious.
I rolled over to stare at the ceiling. Was I doing the right thing by letting myself admit that I had feelings for him? I had no idea. But I wanted to give him a chance. I was aware that I thought of him in the likes of Stefan, but he was different from Stefan. He had the dignity that Stefan so horribly lacked.
*
The evening sun had settled for a pretty tangerine orange, one that was reminiscent of the father of the toddler that walked hand in hand with me through the compound. Soft wind rustled through the scanty vegetation within the pack house as it did with Declan’s hair.
I liked the serenity of weather, it reminded me of evenings growing up with Richard and of the life I’d imagined after marriage. I always dreamed of strolling down an alley with my mate in hand and my cub running around in a bid to catch my attention. With Declan with me, it was a subtle dream come true for me.
I glanced down at the boy sucking on a vanilla flavored lollipop, smiling without even realizing it. His hair had grown out a bit and was tousled from the breezy weather.
He pulled me forward, skipping as he made his way towards the front entrance. I let myself giggle at his action, pulling him back and earning a stare from him. I laughed again and forced him to stop, squatting to his eye level.
His bright green eyes were staring right back at me. It was near impossible to figure out what ran through his little head.
But if the vanilla lollipop was enough to cheer him up, then I was doing something right. I cupped his face in my palms, smiling softly even when the wind blew down on my hair that hung loose today without the ponytail.
It was subconscious, but I now liked the feeling of my hair sprawling on my body no matter how impractical it was.
“Declan dear. You like the lolly?”
He nodded, then pointed at the front door. “Dada.”
“Dada?”
“Mhm.” He shook his head enthusiastically as I rose to my feet. Perhaps he was talking about his father.
Holding his hand, we continued to the front door where I flashed a small smile at the guards before pushing the door open.
“Don’t you fucking dare mention her name again!”
The angry yell caught me off guard as soon as I had opened the door. I recognized the familiar broad shoulders underneath a plain black t-shirt with his back facing the door.
He had his phone to his ears, I could almost imagine him scowling with his eyes that scary color. The other hand rested idly on his hip before it ran through his hair.
“I’m telling you for the last time, mom. Don’t talk to me about Amaya any more. You weren’t here when the bitch left Declan alone! For fuck’s sake, my son is traumatized because of a mother who didn’t care about his feelings before vanishing into thin air with that bastard!” he yelled again.
I could hear the anger and grit in his tone as he brought the phone away from his ears and began stomping in the direction of his study.
I stood there for a full minute, wondering what the hell I had just witnessed. Amaya? That was her name? So she was his ex-wife? It was all coming together. He sounded far from just upset, he was raging.
I found myself wondering what she had done to him. Did she really abandon Declan like he said? That was cruel if it was true. It was all coming together now. He still had resentment for her, and for some reason he was channeling his resentment at me.
I looked down to see the clueless toddler still staring at the spot his father had been standing. As if on cue, I saw Gwen coming out of the kitchen with a dry cloth in her hands.
“Do you want to play with Aunt Gwen?” I cooed at him, patting at his fluffy hair.
“Gwen.” He repeated with a nod and I met eyes with the auburn-haired woman who was staring back with confusion as she approached me.
“You’re feeling better already?” She asked with concern laced in her voice. Patting down at her wet hands, she shoved the now damp tablecloth in her pockets before shifting her focus back to me. “I was just making dinner by the way.”
“Can you take Declan for me? I need to check something.”
“What is it?”
“Just something.” I hissed out and she cocked a brow. I tried to play it cool and smiled instead. “I got scalded by hot water this morning. I need to get some ointment and treat it so it doesn’t scar.”
“You’re not a human.” She chuckled instead. “Hot water’s got nothing on you, unless you’re trying to look pretty for someone. Tell me, who is it?”
“Gwen! You’re taking him or not?”
She chuckled again, then flashing me a mischievous smile. “Okay, okay.” She turned to the boy, taking him from my hands.
He grimaced, his eyes darting around before finally relaxing into her embrace. “Let’s have some eggs and vanilla milk. What do you say?”
He nodded and she flashed me another smile, mouth some incomprehensible words before turning to the kitchen.
As soon as they had gone, I turned to go back the main entrance to where the pack clinic stood. I felt nostalgic visiting again.
The exterior had remained the same like I thought it would, seeing it again after some months of coming here. It reminded me of the day I stood there, pleading with Annalise to let me meet the alpha because I didn’t want to be kicked out.
I stifled a laugh, that day had been funny. The door to the clinic was ajar, and I could hear small chatter from inside before I pushed it open.
“Oh, Larissa?”
I recognized her pleasant voice, cracking a smile at the comfort it gave me. The strawberry blonde woman was leaning slightly with gloves on her hands and some kind of blade, whipping her head in my direction as soon as she could spot me.
She was still dressed in her white coat before she put down the blade. There was another person in the room who turned his head oh hearing Annalise.
“You’re here? I didn’t know that.” I snickered playfully on realization that the person in the room was Jackson with a bloodied arm. “Hi, Annalise.”
“It’s been a while, don’t you think? I hope you’re completely recovered from the effects of the poison.”
“Of course! It’s been well over two months now. I’m more worried about the one who keeps getting himself injured.” I snickered again playfully, turning my attention to Jackson and earning a laugh from them.
“Cheeky much? I enjoy hunting, and someone needs to teach the hyenas a lesson. They should know that we the wolves are the bosses.” He joked back.
Annalise snorted, picking up a roll of bandages to wrap around his arm. His expression had shifted from sass to that of a young cub struggling to endure pain.
“All done.” The redhead announced, putting down her blade after cutting through the point where the bandage had completely covered his skin.
He heaved a sigh, rising to his feet at that and flexing his arms for circulation.
“Alright. I’ll leave you ladies, because I’m certain she didn’t come to see me.” He finalized with a mock bow, gibing me a small smile before taking his leave.
I watched Annalise take off the gloves before taking a seat on the bed that I had once laid on. She had one leg crossed over the other, rocking it back and forth while flashing me the same plastic smile I was familiar with.
“So, what is it? You look like you just barely evaded a ghost.” She finally spoke up while resting both hands on her knees.
“Er…”
For some reason, I felt nervous. She seemed to sense my nervousness seeing as she shifted on the bed to create enough space for me to sit beside her.
“Are you having a hard time?”
“Sorta? But that’s not what I came to talk to you about.”
“Then what is it?”
I cleared my throat and turned to meet her eyes while playing with the hem of my blouse. “Can you tell me who Amaya is? Before you ask, I just heard it. Randomly.”
She cocked a brow. “And where did you hear that? Her name is forbidden from being mentioned in the pack.”
“I know.” I croaked out, turning my head away and back to give the most pleading eyes I could muster. “But I’m asking out of curiosity. Please tell me. Who is Amaya? And what happened to her anyways?”
If skepticism was a breathing being, Annalise’s expression was the embodiment. She was looking at me with me with hesitant eyes before looking away and shifting uncomfortably.
She didn’t say anything for a full minute before finally breaking the ice.
“She was the alpha’s former mate.” She stared with a sigh. “They got married and it was the happiest I had seen the alpha in my life. But she… she died when Declan was only a year old. And it broke him, them both actually. The alpha had banned her name from being mentioned within the pack ever since.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
I looked up at the ceiling. My gut told me that she was lying. From the anger in his voice, it mustn’t have been a simple death. The story seemed too simple for him to be so upset about. It had been two years already, and I knew he was taking out his resentment on me. Which made sense if he hadn’t gotten over her death yet. The thoughts that she may not have died also troubled me. I didn’t even know what to think again.
“Larissa?”
“Yes, I understand. May her soul rest in peace in the heavens.”