The sadness within
Lily’s POV
“Honey are you in there”. I heard a soft knock and voice that sounded faint which indicated that whoever was talking was at the other end of the door, knocking and speaking.
I groaned softly as my eyes fluttered open and stretched out my stiff arms and legs. I rubbed my eyes as I tired to reach for my phone with half open eye lids.
“Lily dear, are in there?”. I heard the voice again but this time it was more pronounced and no longer faint as I more awake. I knew I had to get the door soon enough and not keep the person waiting.
My eyes widened and almost popped out of my eye sockets when I had picked my phone and saw the time of the day.
It was almost five pm. I was so shocked cause I did not even know when I fell asleep and I didn’t even realize that I had slept for that long. I’m actually glad I did though cause now I feel a bit better.
As soon as I said that the mosquitoes of sadness, anxiety, depression and their cohorts came whispering into my ear all that happened before I slept.
They instantly started replaying all that happened, all Alex said and even the things he didn’t say but implied from his actions. How hurt and devastated I was before I fell asleep. I felt everything again afresh. I guess there is actually no peace for me in this world.
“Oh move out of the way Daniel. We don’t have all day”. The door was abruptly pushed open, startling me. I jumped up from the bed wide eyed as I stared at the intruders.
“Ah, there she is. I knew she was in here”. Susan hissed and shot Mr. Dankworth an ‘i told you so’ look. “Didn’t you hear us knocking at the door?”. She spat at me.
“Y.. yes, I was just about to..”
“Y.. yes, I.. I was just about to”. Susan said in a mocking voice. “Oh shut your trap already”. She hissed at me.
Most times I wonder how someone who looked so beautiful could have the darkest and ugliest personality. In as much as she has been mean and unfair to me most times, it would be stupid of me to deny the fact that regardless she was a beautiful woman who also had an outstanding sense of style.
She always looked good. Like today for example, she was dressed in fitted blue dress that went above her knees. The dress had a sweetheart neckline and the sleeves of the dress were sheer lace that went down in a flannel style. Attached to the dress was also a choker neck that accentuated her beautiful collar bones.
Her hair was pulled in sleek low bun and her face beat lightly with minimal make up. She had on sliver jewelry that made the blue look even more beautiful on her and on her feet were a pair of white heels.
She was stunning but behind all that was a bitter heart. Well even the bible described the devil as the bright and morning star.
“Susan please, it’s enough.” Mr. Dankworth reprimanded her softly before turning to me. “How are you doing dear?”. He asked me softly.
His brown eyes held some sort of tenderness as he spoke to me. He looked so kind and it made him appear much more handsome. The entire family was already known by their exquisite style so Mr. Dankworth was not an exception. His tall built body that made him look not more than thirty two was covered in black three piece suit.
He was handsome inside out and now I wonder how he and Susan got together. He was like light and she was like darkness and as they say light and darkness have nothing in common.
In this instance I would agree with that statement just because I want to spite Susan but if you look closely you would come to realize that light and darkness exist because of each other. Without darkness, light has no value and vice versa. We all just have to experience and value each of them as they come.
I looked back at Mr. Dankworth to find him staring at me expectantly and looked down at myself as I thought of a response.
I was still standing by the bed still in my night wear. I had not taken a shower today. I had been sleeping all day and I probably look like a mess. I feel a huge cloud of sadness hanging in over my head and I’m just tired. I could have said all that and more but I opted for the classic “I’m fine”. I responded with a small smile.
“Are you sure, you look really tired”. Mr. Dankworth said as he moved closer to me and touched my cheeks.
I flinched immediately and moved back a bit. A flash of confusion passed on his face for a second before he shook it off.
Don’t blame me, all these were just confusing and out of the ordinary. How am I supposed to act like this is normal.
“I.. I.. I’m, fine. I promise”. I responded. I shifted from foot to foot, nervous as hell as I stared at both of them wondering why the hell were they here. This was certainly out of the usual. I wonder what I did now.
Susan just rolled her eyes and took a seat on the chair. “Nobody actually cares though.” She hissed.
“Well, I know you must be wondering why we’re here”. Mr. Dankworth waved her off. “Alex actually informed us of the good news. We’re so excited and we decided to just see how you were doing”.
“Speak for yourself Daniel. I only came to confirm the news”. She said still glaring daggers at me. Doesn’t she just get tired of this, like doesn’t her eyes hurt or something cause if it were me I would be tired. How is it possible for her to just keep glaring at me so bitterly ever since she stepped into the room. It was becoming boring at this point.
“We’re just so happy and I’m sure I’m sure you’re just as ecstatic right?”. Mr. Dankworth asked nudging my shoulders. it was really funny and weird for Mr. Dankworth to just continue speaking and shut out all Susan said. He was acting like it was just me and him in the room and it was certainly pissing Susan off.
It was a delight to watch. Finally some drama aside my life.
“Yeah, I’m excited”. I responded tight lipped. Why shouldn’t I be excited. I’m a married woman who just got the news that she is expecting a baby but her dear husband doesn’t seem happy about the news so it appears that I would be a married woman but a single mother. Hurray to that. Such wonderful events.
“So you’re pregnant right?”. Susan asked with raised brows.
“Oh no she isn’t, we’ve been talking about the weather all along”. Mr. Dankworth said with sarcasm dripping off his tongue like a good old sour wine.
Oh how I loved sarcasm!!.
I loved Mr. Dankworth so much. He was just another version of me. I held my breath in to as hold back the chuckle that threatened to escape my mouth.
“How are you so sure Daniel, what if she’s just telling us this. We need the doctors report to be certain cause this thing right here is nothing but a lying piece of shit”. She stood up from her seat as she raised her voice and jutted a finger at me.
I just sighed and looked away. I had gotten to the point where I knew that arguing or trying to win was impossible with her. Regardless of what I do she would never like me. I could even give up my life for her and she would still spite me.
Well that won’t make me the first because even Jesus isn’t still loved by many after he gave up his life.
“Well then go the doctor’s and get a damn report, just quit yelling.” Mr. Dankworth was full on red at this point with his jaw clenched and his fist balled. I had never seen him angry before and to be honest he looked quite scary but clearly not as scary as Alex. Now I see where Alex gets his anger from.
“Alright Daniel I would do just that. I can’t wait to get the press out of our business.” She paused and walked towards me with a sly smile. “You know why we let you have this baby right?”.
I presumed she was going to answer the question herself so I just kept quiet but I guess I was wrong.
She grabbed my chin harshly and screamed in my face. “You know right?!!!”.
“Jesus Susan!, let go of her.”
“y.. yes. N… No”. I whimpered out. Mr. Dankworth had pulled her hands away from my chin but she still stood in front of with that smile etched on her face.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?!!.” Mr. Dankworth yelled at her. She just rolled her eyes at him like he was a child that didn’t understand why they had to kill a diseased chicken.
A phone rang and Mr. Dankworth quickly pulled it out of his pocket. He stared at it for a while before looking back at me. “I have to leave now. We will chat some more later. Congratulations Lily, you’re going to be mother.” He squealed in a high pitched voice that sounded hilarious before walking out of the door leaving me with Susan.
Just perfect.
“Now you listen to me”. She said with a sneer. “If you’re truly pregnant, that’s only good news because then we wouldn’t have any problems again and they would actually believe that my son loves you.” She walked around me while whispering this words in my ears.
“Alex never loved you and he will never love a filth like you. You’re still here because of my grand child which is unfortunately in your worn out womb. I feel so disgusted thinking about that but then I feel even more concerned for my baby boy who had to go through all that to get you pregnant.”
“Please just stop it.” I cried out. I couldn’t take it anymore. This was pure torture.
“The truth hurts right!!. You have to take it. You don’t deserve to get into a contract marriage and then find love. You don’t deserve that kind of happiness. I didn’t get a chance and so would you!!”. She heaved heavily as she screamed.
What the hell was she saying. She wasn’t happy here with her husband. Could it be that they also had a contract marriage?. All these were just too much for me.
“My son told me disgusted he was to have sex with a used disgusting whore like you”. Her main aim was to break me entirely and soon as she said these I realized that. She was going a great job. I was shattered.
My eyes widened at her words. I didn’t want to believe what she just said. He was disgusted and he also saw me as a used rag. He even told his parents what I told him in confident. I am truly a fool. How did not see all these signs. How couldn’t I tell that he wasn’t into me like that. That means anyone could easily fool me and I wouldn’t have a damn clue.
“Yes, that’s right.” She laughed like a maniac. “He told all about how you opened your legs and fucked your own brother countless times. You’re just a whore.”
“He raped me. I never wanted any of that.” I screamed as pools of tears blurred my vision.
“Shut up you slut. You fucked him and now you go ahead and accuse the young man of rape. Do you even know the severity of such a crime you dumb slime.”
I fell to the ground as my legs failed me. “I never wanted any of that.” I whispered quietly.
“You’re never going to be loved by anyone and certainly not by Alex.” She finished with a sadistic laughter as she walked out of the room.
“I never wanted any any of that.” I continued whispering to me as flashbacks of all the times Chase abused me came back to taunt me.
“I never wanted any of that.” I screamed into space. It felt like I was there all over again in my fathers house, begging and crying for Chase to let me go.
“Please don’t touch me”. I screamed as Chase tried to grab me.
“You belong to me princess.” Chase said with a mocking laugh.
I pushed and pulled as I tired to scurry away from him but as usual Chase was stronger than me.
“I’m not letting you run away from me again”. He said as he pinned me down on the bare floor and ripped off my clothes.Property belongs to Nôvel(D)r/ama.Org.
“Chase please”. I begged, maybe this time. He would let me go.
“Look how beautiful you look for me. Don’t worry I’ll make you feel good. I’ll do it just how you like it”. He purred in a disgusting manner. I wanted to puke.
I continued struggling with him as he unbuckled his trouser.
I screamed on top of my lungs as he about to insert his ugly penis into me. My body was hyperventilating and it felt like there was no air and my head was about to explode. I struggled to stay awake but the darkness was drawing me in. My vision become blur and soon enough I gave into her enticing peace.
The sadness within feels like a raging storm waiting to tear me apart. The sadness within is like a starved beast eating me up. The sadness within no matter how much I try it never goes away. The sadness within so excruciating. I contemplate leaving perhaps I won’t feel anymore.