Married to the mafia boss Series

Charlotte

The minute his lips come crashing down on mine, fire washes over me, racing through my body from head to toe in one sweeping motion.

It tingles every ending of my nerves and sets my soul alight with the luxuriating sensation of it.

The same sensation that robs my brain clean of thought and memory of the nightmare the last ten years held for me. It’s like it never happened and I wish it didn’t. I truly wish it didn’t.

Because I could almost believe I’m that girl again from ten years ago and this was what happened to us after I last saw him.

I could almost believe this was the next day or even a few days after he made love to me over and over again and promised me we’d be together forever.

I could almost believe it, almost … but the nightmare of what actually happened flows through my mind and it’s grief that makes me jump. Because we never had this.

It never happened.

I was taken to a place where I thought I was going to die and imprisoned by a man who used my body.

I pull away from Gabriel.

I don’t mean to but this kiss is… confusing.

Gabe looks at me. Seeing him in the sunlight makes my stomach flutter with nerves.

In the darkness of the club last night I’d only caught a taster of the full masterpiece of him.

Now I’m seeing the full blown, ten years older version of Gabriel Giordano and he just kissed me.

“It’s really you,” he states, looking me over like he’s trying to figure out exactly that. If it’s me.

“It’s… me…” I nod and wipe away a tear from my cheek. I’m not sure what to say next.

“It was you last night too, at The Dark Odyssey.”

I nod… “I went.. I was…” My voice trails off as I stop and search my mind for the right things to say.

“Why didn’t you come to me?” He narrows his eyes.

I bite down hard on my back teeth and swallow hard as a bout of tears threaten to take me.

I haven’t really broken down in years. I’ve cried. Yes, but not long or hard enough to get out the horrific things I bottle in, all that I’ve seen and experienced.

I can’t tell him last night was goodbye.

I don’t know how I can say it with words. I don’t know how I can look at him and form the words to tell him. It’s more painful than what I think I have to tell my family.

“I… um , I’m sorry,” I stutter.

“How? How is this possible?”

“Someone killed Antonio. Murdered him.” Someone… wow. That was an effortless lie. So effortless and shows I must be damn scared to lie to Gabe. Scared and wary.

“I tried to get you back. I did.” He bites the inside of his lip so hard I think he’s going to pierce the skin.

I can’t express to anyone what it means to hear him say that and more tears stream down my cheeks. “You did?”

“Of course. My brothers and I tried and Antonio came to the house and killed all the staff that worked for us. He was going to kill my parents and I…”

My hand flies to my mouth and I can’t stop myself from shaking.

“My God… Gabe,” I suck in a breath. What can I say?

Thank you?

I’m sorry?

It doesn’t fit. It doesn’t seem adequate enough or appropriate.

“I’m sorry,” I tell him. That’s the best thing. The best words. Sorrow.

He shakes his head and touches my face again.

“Charlotte, there’s nothing to be sorry for. Not a damn thing. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. I’m sorry it wasn’t me who killed that son of a bitch. I’m sorry it wasn’t me. The only thing that stopped me was the threat on everybody. But it never stopped me from thinking up ways I could get you back. I was always thinking of something and then the years just passed me by.”NôvelDrama.Org copyrighted © content.

And… he still remembered me.

“You didn’t forget me?” I say that more to myself than to him but he shakes his head.

“Never.”

There’s so much to say to him. So much I truly want to tell him.

I’m so wrapped up though, in the tangle of everything going on inside me from emotion to desire, to bringing reason back to the forefront of my mind because ten years have passed and things are not the same.

He still feels like mine. At the same time he isn’t. He hasn’t belonged to me and I’m looking at him now thinking of how he was the first man and only man I’d ever been with until two days after I was taken and Antonio and his men raped me over and over again.

I’m looking at Gabe now and my heart wants to run to him and stay with him forever, tell him how lost I was and that his kisses will make it all better.

It’s reason and logic though, that steadies me from falling apart and allowing him to take me and lure me deeper into this world I want to escape.

There was a time when I wanted nothing more than to be with him. It was all I wanted. I think now though it was a fantasy I held as a girl.

I’m a woman now. One who’s been through so much. Too much and I don’t want to go back to who I was. I want to move forward, and that can’t be with him.

He has to know, and he has to forget me.

Besides what would he want with me?

Me, the woman who was seen as a thing in the house. Something to pass around and fuck then throw to the side until you get bored again. Or better yet make money from. I shift my weight from one foot to the next and he releases me.

“Gabe…” I begin and try to find the right words to say to him.

“I’m sorry. I … It’s you and I can’t believe I’m looking at you. Things must be so different.”

“They are.” There, that was the door opening for me to say something. To tell him something that will make him catch on to my intention without hurting him.

“Yeah…they are.”

“Things are different, all around. I wouldn’t have said anything last night because …it was goodbye. It was a goodbye,” I explain.

He looks thrown, like I just slapped him. “Good… bye?”

“Yes… I just wanted to close that chapter of my life and see you before I did that. I didn’t think you would recognize me, or even remember me.”

“What are you saying to me? Doll… you thought I’d forget you, just like that? Charlotte, we were supposed to be together.”

“I know and I’m grateful for everything. I just… it’s different. I’m different.”

He blinks several times like he’s trying to process what I’m saying.

“Right… I see. You’re different and you feel different too.”

“Yes.” I must be a really good liar, so much better than I thought and the sickening reminder comes back to me of why that is. I’m a great liar and I deserve an award for my performance. I’m so good at what I do because I had to get good at it to keep people alive.

Lie and smile and make the men believe you.

That’s what I heard ringing through my mind especially after Antonio killed Benita. I don’t think I can ever forget her screams as the crocodiles ate her. So yes, I’m good at lying and I’m doing it now because I need to.

I don’t have the strength to forget the past and deal with what really happened. I also don’t have the strength to deal with how he’s looking at me now, like he can’t believe what I just said. I know it was harsh. It came across as harsh.

He cocks his head to the side and regards me with that easy grin I first fell in love with.

Taking my hands into his, the smile widens but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“I’m happy you’re back. I’m happy you’re free. This is a great thing. The best. You can move on now. Move forward. Screw the past Goddess.” He nods and releases me.

Goddess… I still feel that tingle on hearing him call me that. This man made me feel like a goddess and practically worshipped the ground I walked on like I was some kind of queen. He wouldn’t believe the nothing I became.

I can’t answer him because I’m scared I’ll break.

He continues to smile and his eyes hold mine in place. “I’ll leave you to… well to what you were doing.”

Stepping back he moves away from me but stops when he gets to the door frame.

He holds my gaze and looks me over, the seriousness coming back to his gaze.

“You may feel different, it’s a given that you do. A decade has passed and time can do all sorts of shit. All it did to me was make me hold on even more. You still feel like my girl Charlotte.” The words that fall from his lips are like a vice gripping and squeezing my heart.

All I can do is stare at him.

He dips his head for a fervent nod that seems to linger and then he leaves me.

I at least wait for the sound of his footsteps to thud against the wooden floor before I break down.

I actually break down, sinking to my knees and letting the tears fall. The one who comes to me is the person I least expected.

Cordelia. She joins me on the floor and takes me into her arms as I cry.

We stay there just like that for what feels like hours. Just like that in silence and I’m there in her arms as she tries to comfort me and I don’t know how to tell her also that I can’t be around anybody.

It’s not until lunch time that the tears subside and she shuffles away to look at me.

“Why did you lie to him?” she asks.

I was staring at the swirly patterns on the dark carpet but the minute she spoke my gaze flicked up to meet her eyes.

“It’s for the best.” I confess.

“How? Charlotte there’s not a lot of people who still feel the same way about each other after so long.”

“I just can’t Cordelia. I know everyone is so happy to see me and I want to feel the happiness and triumph at being back, but I can’t because there’s so much that happened to me and so much I still need to be afraid of.”

“Still?” She sounds worried.

I would love to confide in her about Tobias but I mustn’t say anything. Mustn’t talk or shit could happen.

Tobias likes to play games. He likes to play games. Loves playing chess, he always played it with Antonio. He calls himself the King. The black king and right now I could just be a piece on the board. A pawn maybe. They’re the weaker pieces, but I don’t have strength to even be a pawn. So I’m something else. I don’t know what, so yes there’s definitely cause for me to still be afraid.

“It’s a lot. I just can’t talk… not now.” It’s the same mantra I sold her. I can’t help it though. I can’t.

“I understand and I’m here when you need to talk. I’m here the way I should have been way back when you probably needed someone to talk to. I’m here and I’m going to tell you that you may have all of this stuff that happened to you, but it’s not happening today. It’s not happening right now and today is a different day than yesterday and tomorrow and the past. You decide what day you’re going to have. It’s how I got through cancer. Maybe it will help you by thinking that way.”

“How did you do it?” I ask.

“I just allowed myself to forget the shit and do what I would have wanted to do, not what the situation dictated to me. I separated my mind from the shit that was happening to me.”

I consider her words. There’s something about it that feels freeing, as freeing as I felt when I first saw the front door of the house and acknowledged that I made it back home.

I just don’t know if I can actually do what she’s telling me. It would take great mental strength I’m not sure I have.

Live for the day and forget all the fears of the past. All the fears that could be in the cards for me in the future.

It’s different when it comes to Gabe.

It’s different when it comes to him.

It always was.