I’m Just His Wife

Forgiveness.

A word that makes me think that mistakes were always going to occur in life. That there will be no forgiveness without people making a mistake. The word mistake will connect forgiveness. There will be no forgiveness when there was no mistake. When no sin has been committed by a person.

For me, I was always been a victim of the word ‘forgiveness’. Everyone who sins against me I forgive immediately. I am not a heart of stone like other people who do not know how to forgive. All I want was to do the right thing and that was to forgive. Because when I don’t forgive, my heart will be pounding for a long time. I can’t just be quiet.

At my young age, my mother already told me how forgiveness means to everyone in this world. She told me that chaos and disturbance will always take its place once I won’t give my forgiveness to those people who had a fault on me.

Once, I asked her why. I asked her why should I forgive a person or people who did hurt me or did something offensive to me. I mean, it feels like too much for me. I feel that people who have sinned against me should not be forgiven because they were also sinning against god. They don’t deserve the forgiveness that I will going to give them.

But my mother just answered me with a weak smile and spoke those words that didn’t even pass my mind.

‘the chaos and the disturbance that I’m talking about was your conscience, baby girl. Your conscience won’t stop whispering to you until you forgive those people who did a sin to you. Your conscience won’t silence you. And one more , I already told you something, right? That God was able to forgive what people have done to his child even though you were so offensive. So we must also learn to forgive even if we were only human. God can forgive, so as people. As simple as that. ”

And I guess, she was right. I also need to forgive people who have wronged me no matter how bad it was. It’s the same as I used to do. For the past five years I have forgotten that sermon of Mommy”s so I regret it.

Anger and revenge engulfed me. I didn’t even think about the possible consequences of what I had done before. I just decided without thinking about my parents ‘teachings. I just rushed into the war without even caring if I could survive or not. All I could think about was getting revenge on my family and getting justice for them.

But perhaps others were right, that repentance was late. Yes and I won that fight but … because of that he lost. He disappeared next to me. I have never been with the person I love the most. I have never seen his sweet smile on me again.

I smiled sadly and looked at the upper part of the building in front of me. The name of the mental hospital was written there. I never imagined that my feet will touch a place like this. I don’t have a family member or acquaintance who has a mental problem so I never thought I would be able to go to this kind of place.Published by Nôv'elD/rama.Org.

I gripped Laren’s arm tightly causing him to look at me. I turned to him too and smiled. I knew it was hard for her to see her twin in this kind of place but she still accompanied me.

“were you okay?” Laren smiled slightly when he asked me that. He was worried, I know. I’m pregnant, I can’t blame her.

I nodded. “I’m okay. What about you? was it okay for you to come with me here? If you really don’t like to enter the building, you can now leave me. I’ll be the only one to enter.” I don’t want him to enter this place if he really doesn’t want to. I can understand.

He stared at me for a moment before shaking. “No, I’ll go with you.” he looked at my bulging belly. “You’re pregnant. Do you think I’ll let you into that kind of place?” her forehead creased. He shrugged and looked at the building.

‘then … Let’s go? I don’t want to prolong this.” I cheered him on. We will go somewhere later.

Laren just smiled wryly and nodded softly. I grabbed his arm again. We once climbed the non -upper staircase before we could get into the mental interior itself. Laren and I went straight to the nurse station and asked if we could talk to the person we really meant to be here.

The nurse waited for us in the waiting area before letting her fellow nurse know that we would be visiting Lara. I could see Laren’s consecutive sigh but I just ignored it. Maybe he was gathering enough courage to face his brother.

“Ma’am, follow me …” said a nurse so Laren and I immediately got up from our seats. He helped me stand up so I rested deeply. They were really being very careful with me.

The nurse had already walked so Ren and I followed. Right now he was holding my arm. I felt the coldness of his palm so I turned to him. There was no expression on his face but I could see the sadness in his eyes.

We entered a room that I think was called a visiting area. The nurse seated us in an elongated chair with a table in front. He stayed by our side while maybe waiting for Lara to arrive.

From a door two nurses with a female guide opened up to us. She was wearing a hospital gown and looked very weak. I sighed and frowned. I can no longer face him because he was so thin. His face was also pale and his eyes were surrounded by black lines.

Laren suddenly got up from where we were sitting so I turned in his direction. I followed her gaze until she came in the direction of Lara and the two nurses. Be that one nurse who was with us earlier followed Laren.

Laren hugged Lara. I don’t know but it’s like someone touched my heart. Suddenly I smiled from the absence. Laren was really kind. Even though Lara has committed many sins with him, he still embraces it. That’s a definition of a sister’s love.

I just sat there watching them. I felt a little jealous because I knew I didn’t have a brother to hug me like that. I suddenly remembered how Kuya Ryan hugged me for the first time. That was the most comfortable hug for me.

And Ate’s hug … No one can beat that. I feel safe and more than happy whenever she hugs me. But … he’s gone. They were no longer with Kuya Ryan. Who will hug me now? My parents was gone. Ivan isn’t here, too, to hug me.

“were you okay, Lara?” I heard Laren ask as he burst into tears. Lara didn’t answer him and it remained folded. He even touched his brother’s expressionless face. It was obvious that he was upset. “God, I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s going on with you here. I should have checked on you!” Laren’s crying intensified even more.

“I’m sorry, Lara. Ate isn’t here to protect you. I didn’t keep my promise to you. I’m sorry, I didn’t protect you. I’m sorry …” Laren sobbed while holding the others. t other parts of Lara’s body with wounds. “It won’t happen again, okay? No one will hurt you anymore. Ate’s already here. No one can hurt you now, princess. No one …” Laren hugged Lara again.

I caressed my stomach and wiped the tiny tears that rolled down my eyes. They looked adorable. They were both envious even though Laren was the only one who obviously likes that hug.

“Don’t be so plastic, Laren.” Lara suddenly said cause my eyes to widen. There was still no expression on his face but I could see the edge of his tears. “You wanted this to happen to me. You wanted to torture me because of what I did to you. You also wanted to ruin my life and here, you have done it. were you happy now?” Lara’s voice was without a trace of any tone.

Laren got away from him. “What were you talking about, Lara? I told you a while ago! I don’t know what’s going on with you!” Laren wiped away her tears.

“No! You’re just lying! You already know what they did to me here!” Lara shouted loudly. I got up to approach them. This isn’t right. “You know, they almost treat me like an animal here! They always put an electric shock in my whole body whenever I don’t agree with their commands! They clean the bathroom, feed me pork and sweep in the sun “Someone almost raped me here!” Lara narrated while crying.

“What ?!” Laren asked tearfully. His voice was almost muffled by that shout.

“Don’t” what “me, Laren! This was all your fault! If you hadn’t dropped me, I would have been happy now with Ivan! My experiences wouldn’t have been so bad now! It’s your fault!” Lara tried to hurt Laren but the nurses caught her immediately. He was also struggling.

“I’m sorry …” Laren said.

“No! Your sorry isn’t enough, Laren! You ruined my life! You’re more of an animal than an animal, you bitch! I didn’t rape you before so that you could pay for all your sins against me! Remember, I will never stop until I make your life miserable! ” Lara almost hurt Laren so I told the nurses to stop her.

“Lara, that’s right … I don’t know what’s happening to you here. Please, believe me …” Laren begged. I grabbed her by the arm and pulled her away from Lara but she didn’t send me.

I was so annoyed that I couldn’t stop myself from speaking. “It isn’t Laren’s fault, Lara!” I shouted now. He turned to me and stopped struggling. ‘thank you and you were only mentally brought here! And after you recover from it, you will be free again. You were free to do what you want to do even if you don’t deserve to be free!” I kept shouting. This woman was annoying!

Laren came up to me and grabbed my arm. “Andrea, stop. Maybe you can still do it. Come on, let’s go …” Laren cried pleading with me.

I turned to him and asked. “No, Laren! This woman needs to be reprimanded too!” I stabbed Lara who now stunned me. His eyes were particularly on my stomach.

“You bitch!” I said as I turned to Lara again. “Do you know how many people Laren betrayed just so you wouldn’t be jailed, huh? You shit! Your mixed temperament! You really were something in hell!” I shouted it almost at the top of my lungs.

“Andrea, stop that-” I ignored what Laren was saying.

“Your sister loves you very much, Lara. You don’t know what she did just to get the people you offended her to drop the cases they filed against you. Laren knelt down several times and begged them not to put you in jail. you still have children! ” I was in tears without realizing it. I only found out when my vision was blurred. “Damn! You have three children, Lara! Laren doesn’t want those kids to lose their mother so even if it degrades her dignity she still did it!” I swallowed when I felt the pain in my throat from screaming. But not! This woman needs to know everything!

“were you really that selfish, huh? You’re just Ivan, money and yourself! What about your brother? Your children? The people who love you? Will you just ignore them because of that flash that you were selfish? ” I’m lowering my tone. “Bullshit, if that’s how you behave, it’s even better to just be locked up. There was no place for people like you to hinder souls in this world.” I promised emphatically and wiped away my tears. He had no right to say that to Laren.

I turned to him and touched my stomach. It was a bit painful but I knew it was just normal. I’m too stressed today. Maybe I will consult the doctor first later after I leave this place.

“Come on, Laren …” I said to Laren while still turning around.

“Wait a minute, Drea. I’ll talk to your sister first-” I immediately interrupted what she was saying and immediately turned to face her.

“Don’t make a fool of yourself in front of that lintek brother of yours, Laren.” I folded my arms and stared at him intently. “Let him blame you for what’s happening to him. After all, he’s really narrow-minded. He’s really a thing here mentally. And next time, he’ll be in jail.” I grinned bitterly.

Ren’s eyes widened. “What ?! No! Please, he didn’t mean that-”

I laughed and looked at Lara who was still in front of us today. She looked sad as she stared at the floor. She looks miserable. But I don’t feel sorry for him, he’s wrong.