Don't Poke the Luna (Xena and Ryder)

"What is it?" I asked impatiently. "Just tell me

Logan seemed to have expected my reaction, his expression remaining serious. I need you to stay calm. We'll face this together, whatever happens

My mind flashed back to the fighting. A tertible realization began to creep into my consciousness. Something was missing. Something was wrong. My hear plummeted to my stomach, and my pulse began racing uncontrollably.

Logan saw the change in my expression, and his face twisted with anguish, confirming my worst fears. With trembling hands, I slowly lifted my left arm from beneath the blanket, my heart hammering so hard I thought it might burst.

what emerged was a bandaged stump ending just below my w

The world tilted on its axis. My hand was GONE. My left hand

GONE.

Rage exploded through me like wildfire. I wanted to scream, to thrash against this hospital bed, to tear apart everything within reach. The fury built in my chest, a roar of denial and fury threatening to tear from my throat. How dare this happen to me? I wanted to rage against the unfairness, to demand answers, to make someone pay for this mutilation.

But then I looked up and saw Logan's face.

My brother looked like he had aged ten years. Deep lines of exhaustion and worry were etched around his eyes, and his shoulders sagged with a weariness that went bone-deep. The strong, confident man I knew had been replaced by someone who looked utterly drained.

My gaze shifted to Ryder, still standing at the window with his back to us. His shoulders were shaking slightly, and I could see his hand pressed against his face. The sight of his broken silhouette against the bright window made my heart clench.

The rage that had been building inside me suddenly deflated like a punctured balloon. Here were the two most important men in my life, both clearly devastated by what had happened to me, both trying so hard to be strong for my sake.

I couldn't add to their burden. I couldn't be the broken, raging victim they

expected me to be. They had already suffered enough because of me, had already paid too high a price for my rescue.

I needed to grow up. I needed to be stronger than this devastating loss.

So instead of screaming, instead of throwing the tantrum that was clawing at my

throat, I forced myself to into a deep place inside myself where I could deal with it later-or not at all.

go numb. I shoved the rage and despair down

I let my arm fall back to the bed, completely numb. There was no anger, nonoveldrama

screaming, no dramatic breakdown. I felt like the Moon God had abandoned me completely, left me broken and incomplete.

"FUCK!" Ryder's anguished roar echoed through the room as he slammed his fist against the windowsill.

The room fell into a suffocating silence. Logan's voice finally cut through the quiet. "Ryder and I need to discuss our next steps. We'll fill you in on the plan afterward, and you can suggest improvements."

I could see him fighting to keep the worry out of his eyes, his voice deliberately normal. Probably he didn't want me to feel pitied or treated like I was fragile.

He walked over to Ryder and placed a hand on his shoulder. Ryder wiped his face with his hand before turning around. When he faced me, I was shocked to see tears streaming down his cheeks. In all the time I'd known him, through every danger and crisis we'd faced, I had never seen Ryder cry. Not even when he'd been shot and nearly died.

I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. As they reached the door, I called out to them.

"How is William?" My voice was more shaky than I'd intended.

Don't Poke the Luna