CHAPTER 111: THE AGREEMENT
Kieran paced about the chamber with furrowed brows. He stared sternly at the ground before taking each step. I just sat at the edge of the bed watching him. Even if I couldn’t read his mind, I knew he was under so much. We all were. The stress of not being able to provide food for the people was at the top of the list. It weighed on us all but Kieran seemed to take it to a different level maybe because he was the King and so the responsibility hung on his shoulders.
I had not left the palace for days because of his strict instructions. But I knew that there was something that I needed to do. I just couldn’t sit and wait for him to solve everything any longer. The people grew weary and I became impatient. If there was something I could do to help, then I knew that it was the right time to get on with it.
I fiddled with the edge of my dress, feeling the silk texture against my fingertips. My eyes did not leave him as he walked around.
Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore.
“Kieran,” I called out. I hated the tremor in my voice but I held on. What I had to say was important. I didn’t want him to think that it wasn’t.
He stopped abruptly and turned sharply pinning his gaze on me.
“Yes, Clara?”
I took a deep breath and pushed forward.
“I got a job,” I said still watching him. I noticed the switch in his brows. It now signified less of being confused and more of being concerned.
The words hung in the air for a while. I knew the unexpected weight it brought. But I just had to tell him. Kieran’s jaw clenched tight, and I braced myself for whatever that was coming.
“A job?” he echoed although his voice was low.
“What kind of job?” He asked and turned to me.
“At the elementary school,” I said quickly. “They’re desperate for help with the younger kids, especially with the food shortage. I… I just wanted to do something.”
Kieran’s pacing resumed this time his worry was replaced with something else as he frowned.
“Do something?” he scoffed. “You are the queen and worse of all, the chosen one, Clara. You are not supposed to be out there. At least not at a time like this. You would only be exposing yourself to the people that are doing this. Instead of going out there teaching some kids, you should prepare yourself for what is to come.”
“And what exactly is that?” I retorted and my voice rose just immediately. “Sit around in this palace, twiddling my thumbs while people outside starve? I can’t just do nothing, Kieran. I need to feel like I’m making a difference. I need to be out there doing something. The little way I can.”
He turned around with his eyes blazing. “You are making a difference. Everything we do here, the meetings, the strategies, the search for the culprit it’s all for the kingdom. It’s all for the people.”
“But it’s not enough. People are losing hope. They need more than just empty promises. They need someone who understands their struggles, someone who can connect with them,” I argued.
“And what do you think that I have been doing all these times?”
“You got me wrong Kieran. I know that you have been doing a lot. I just want to be able to play my part as well.”
He walked to his study and finally rested in his seat with a sigh running a hand through his hair, his shoulders slumping slightly.
“Clara, it’s dangerous out there. We still don’t know who’s behind the food shortage, and the council…” he paused, his jaw clenching again. “The council is still after you.”
“I can handle myself, and besides, I am not a prisoner here.”
He stared at me. I couldn’t read him through his eyes. Couldn’t exactly tell what he was thinking. But I wish I could, maybe, it would have been a lot easier to know my next words if I could.
“A prisoner, no,” he said softly. “But you are precious to this Kingdom more than you know. The thought of you being out there, vulnerable…”
His voice trailed off. I waited hopelessly for him to say something anything to put me in a place but instead, it was a blank slate. He had the look I got when I had many words to say but didn’t know which would make better sense at the moment.
“I can’t just stay here and do nothing, Kieran. Apart from helping with the food shortage, this job will be a chance to connect with the people, to show them we haven’t forgotten them. That I haven’t forgotten them. Maybe I could buy their loyalty.”
“That’s not your responsibility. And loyalty can’t be bought.”
“Kieran please!” I called out.
He said nothing. And the silence stretched for a while. I knew deep down that I needed to do something. I had lived a long part of my life sitting back and awaiting help from people, especially Kieran. This was the little chance I had to show that I was able to do something. And I hoped that Kieran could understand that.
“I can’t allow this, Clara,” he said finally, his voice was firm. “It’s not safe for you out there. It’s not safe for any of us.”
“Then find a way to make it safe, because I’m doing this, Kieran. With or without your approval,” I said.
“You just don’t listen Clara. This is not a time to show your stubbornness. I have things to worry about and you shouldn’t be part of it. So just stay here where I would be sure that you are safe.”
“Stop,” I yelled, “just stop it. We might be mates but you don’t have the right to boss me around. You don’t own me. I can make these decisions on my own and I have decided to do this.”
“Fine! Do whatever the fuck you want. I don’t give a damn anyway,” Kieran barked. Without another word, he turned and stormed out of the chamber, slamming the door behind him.
Tears welled up in my eyes as soon as he was gone. I wouldn’t be kept in a cage. I would break free and do what I felt was right, even if it meant defying Kieran.
“I’m going to do this,” I muttered as if reminding myself of my decision. I had not expected it to go down like that but even as it did, I still needed to do what was right. At that point, I reached out for my cloak and then stopped as I watched my hands tremble. Having the conversation with Kieran hasn’t quite gone down the way that I wanted it to. I grabbed my cloak and stormed out of the chamber. I didn’t exactly know where I was going but I needed to clear my head from all the words and disapproval that I got stuck in my head.
The courtyard was empty by the time I got there. It was calm and peaceful; just what I needed. I walked around as I watched the rose bush. And then, I let my palm touch the edges of the brightly colored petals of the roses. Even if I admired their beauty, it didn’t catch my eyes as I had expected. The thought of what had just happened between Kieran and I didn’t leave my head just yet. Kieran had been gone for what felt like hours, but I knew it couldn’t have been more than thirty minutes.
The bangs from the palace doors I heard reminded me that I was still in the palace being the queen of starving people and I needed to do something which I didn’t at the moment. I didn’t know if I wanted to see him. Or what to say to him if I eventually did. Would he apologize or try to reason with me again? Or to forbid me from taking the job at the school altogether?
And just then, the memory of our fight flashed in my mind. I could still remember the look on his face when he said those words. It echoed in my ears again. I didn’t like that it did.
Oh shit.
I heard footsteps and turned towards it. It was him.
Kieran.
He looked back at me with the same look on his face. The one that I had seen all morning when he had refused to agree to let me take the job. That moment, I looked at him directly into his eyes and he looked back, it’s like our eyes were glued for a split second. But then, I looked away almost immediately and turned my eyes back to the roses.
He didn’t say anything. He just stood there. He was a few steps behind me, mostly by the door, I guess. I wanted to turn around and walk up to him. Maybe confront him about what had happened. I wanted to ask him to apologize for saying all that he had said. But then, I thought about it again. There was no point. He was Kieran anyway. And so, I held back.
Finally, he spoke. Although his voice was low and calm. Not what I had expected.
“You can do whatever you want, Clara.”
I heard him speak.
“You said that before,” I said without turning.
“Well, I mean it this time.”
I still kept my gaze on the roses, I just couldn’t face him. I felt a small smile growing at the corner of my lips. He was letting me do it.
“I was going to do it anyway. The school already hired me,” I mumbled.Exclusive © content by N(ô)ve/l/Drama.Org.
That was a lie. I just had to put up the look like I had already gone ahead with it without getting him involved. That was my way of being rebellious against his earlier disapproval. I knew that I needed him to be able to take up the job. His support and guidance were enough for me. That was what I longed for all day. But I just couldn’t tell him that just yet.
He didn’t say anything after that neither did I. We just basked in the silence for as long as we could.
Kieran let out a soft sigh breaking up the silence. I knew he was ready to speak.
“Alright,” he said, “Just… be careful.”
“I will.” I echoed.
I heard shuffling feet like he was leaving and so I turned but before he disappeared into the palace doors, he glanced back at me and his gaze felt warm. I couldn’t tell why but it sent a wave of warmth through me which somehow made all the arguments from an hour ago go away.
I continued with the roses but my thoughts didn’t change and then, a secret smile crept on my lips. He hadn’t apologized, not exactly. But in his way, he had agreed. And that, for now, was enough. I could work with “enough.”